The rapturous reception the returning Rifles received in Dorchester the other day prompted me to ask one very brave mother whether she’d give me the honour to tell you how she is coping with her loss.
I met Karen Charman-Allen earlier this year.
Her son Phil was only 20 when a roadside bomb in Sangin province, Helmand, ended his life last November. He was out on patrol for 10 days prior to coming home for Christmas.
“He was looking forward to it because after that it was back to Camp Bastion and out,” Karen told me.
Instead, Karen received what she calls “the infamous knock at the door” at half past midnight one Saturday. Yet she does not regret the life that her son chose.
“He loved the job, loved every minute of it. He was thriving, dodging bullets, living on adrenaline. He was so happy, that was the important thing.”
Phil’s early years were difficult until he was sent to Penwithen School in Dorchester, which “turned his life around,” his mum said.
He joined the Devon and Dorset cadets, later amalgamated with The Rifles, and after brief stints at art college - where he was a talented cartoonist and musician – and a motorcycle workshop, he joined up, aged 19.
In September 2009, Phil was assigned to the 2nd Battalion The Rifles in Afghanistan. Karen drove him to Southampton. It was the last time she saw him.
After Phil’s death, Karen was amazed by the number of people who came forward to say how her son had touched their lives.
“‘They would tell me how he had saved them from drugs, or drink, or troublemakers,” she said.
“Growing up, he would talk to everyone, young and old, around our home. He was jokingly nicknamed ‘old man philosophy’. But I had no idea how widely his reputation had travelled.”
At Phil’s funeral, Karen resolved to honour his memory by raising money for his comrades’ care.
“He told me not to be miserable if he didn’t return because it would hurt him,” she said.
“I have my moments but nothing will bring Phil back and others need my help. These boys were so fit, the first in and the last out. Now, so many have lost limbs, all that has gone.”
Psychological injuries need attention too, added Karen. “Sometimes Phil was very down about what he had witnessed. He told me he was going to need help when he came home.”
Since Phil’s death, Karen has thrown herself into fundraising for the Rifles’ Care For Casualties charity, which supports Riflemen when they leave the army.
“‘They all need our support,” she said. “They are out there to protect our way of life here.”
How true, and this poignant account prompts me again. Never forget to tell your children you love them. Time is so special and none of us know how much of it we have.
If you want to help with Karen’s fundraising, contact her on Kazcharsen@uwclub.net.