We kicked off events today at 0930. The vote on Meaningful Vote (MV) 3 was due at 1430. I had a speech ready, and sat for many hours listening to colleagues on both sides of the House about the pros and cons of Mrs May's Deal. I'd also spoken to Daniel Hannan, our excellent and very able MEP, to get his view on things. As readers know, I had voted against MV 1 and 2 because I thought it was flawed. Today I was less sure, although I agreed with every word expressed by staunch Brexiteers like Bill Cash. Dominic Raab's calmly delivered speech influenced me a lot. A Brexiteer himself, he explained that he would make his decision based on the balance of risk. That was between getting a Brexit of a kind or risk a long extension, EU elections, further political instability and possibly no Brexit at all. So, it was under intense pressure personally that I did vote for the Government on this occasion. I was not called to speak and will always wonder that if I had would I have voted differently. However, no sooner had I voted than a cold fury erupted inside me and I knew that, for me, personally, I had done the wrong thing. Interviewed by BBC television just before I headed home, I vent my wrath and shock at what had happened, unhappily admitting that I had gone against my instincts and those of the British people. I made my concerns felt very plainly indeed to the Whips' office and to Geoffrey Cox QC, the Attorney General. Meanwhile, many thousands of people had gathered in and around Parliament Square to protest on the day we were meant to leave the EU, and we had not. The protest was well mannered, with a party atmosphere. What a truly sad day for our democracy and our politics. I felt we had been betrayed and I eventually drove home feeling awful.